Going in an entirely other direction I want to address the subject of marriage. Not just marriage within the military but marriage in general.

I fear our society is both running away from propriety and gripped with it – to the point where marriage has lost its power – even to those of us who hold it most dear as the building blocks of society. The foundation of our union becomes the foundation of our family and the foundations are crumbling in a mask of deceit based not on willful evil, but rather, something a little more sinister: Pride.

A few years back I was having breakfast with a few older pastors, seasoned, tried, tested and found true. I, still being new to the calling Christ had laid on my heart was look for mentorship, leadership, advice. Somewhere between the second and third cup of coffee I offered that in the pursuit of solid preaching I asked my wife after every sermon how she thought I had done. I was scolded for that. Gently I was told that one should never ask his wife – the one who knows him best – how his preaching was. It just wasn’t done. I was told with a knowing smile that I would understand when I’ve matured; when we’ve been married a while; when the “infatuation” wears off.

Needless to say to any who know me well, I did not, nor will I ever heed that type of advice. To keep my wife at a safe distance. The absurdity of such a proposition borders on blasphemy when strained through the light of Scripture.

And the two shall become one.

I recently read a very touching, very heart wrenching, soul breaking piece of work called “A Marine’s Promise”, and its sister piece “A Marine Wife’s Promise.” Oh how they moved, how they stirred. You walk away with both sadness at the sacrifices made, and joy at the hope of promises.

And yet…

Mixed in with the sacrifice, the time apart, was something else, something at first glance sweet but that turned the stomach sour.
Gentle and Sinister.

Apart not only in time and space, but also in spirit and understanding.

There it was again, the pride. I’ll withhold stuff to protect you. I’ll share parts of my life with others who understand things you cannot. I’ll decide what you need from me and what you don’t – for your protection, of course, naturally. I know best. That whole notion of two becoming one is good in most areas of our lives, but here in this corner, there in that coat closet, this is mine – not yours. His and Hers. Yours and Mine. But don’t worry I’m keeping this part of me from you because I love you so much.

And the two shall become one.

But God doesn’t really know best, what if I break her heart? What if he doesn’t understand? Oh the lies we feed ourselves. We argue for deep love yet are afraid to move past the safety of the shallows. Strength of bond is not made without stress. Stress strengthens where it doesn’t break. We are so afraid of breaking some unspoken rule of propriety we never stress that which needs to be strongest.

What God has joined…

If you share half a life with someone, how well are they able to understand you? I don’t ask my wife to critique my sermons seeking praise – I ask her this question for the very answer that others warn me off of asking it. I want to know when I’ve done poorly – when my life doesn’t echo the words of my message. When my walk, the walk my wife knows better than anyone else, mirrors my words, then I am comforted by the words of another that I am staying true to my Lord, my Savior, and my God.

I am as I write this at war in a distant land and, as such, certain things remain a mystery to my wife out of necessity of time and seasons and responsibility. But once re-united in the flesh all things will be shared. All things will find the light of day. My wife holds the darkest secrets of my heart, the hidden unspoken dreams, the dread fears, in her hands. I hold hers. Ours is a union built on trust. Not a little trust, not trust in a few things – but trust in all things. She knows me – humbles me – builds me up – chastises me – cherishes me.

We spend our days hiding our true-selves from the one we love most, then end it all with comments such as he doesn’t understand me, she doesn’t know me. Irreconcilable differences. We remain different because we never pursued Oneness.

Marriage has I fear become a partnership, not a union.
My wife is not my partner, to be so would be less than what God intended.

She and I are One.

Don’t let selfish pride stand in the way of what God has for your marriage. My wife is not one among many; she is not simply my best friend. She, in comparison to all others, is my only friend. This is right, this is good.
Marriage mirrors, through the corruption of a world fallen, how our relationship with God should be.

And the two shall become one.

With all my heart, everything I have, everything I am
All that HE has made me to be, in Him by Him and through Him – I give to you.
Angela, I love you beyond space and time.

-Philip